The pressure to perform is something Peter Saddington, a sex and relationships therapist and councillor at Relate, says can actually hinder lubrication and reaching orgasm in women and people with vulvas. Performance pressure can impact many areas of your sex life, both physical and emotional. In short: my clitoris was experiencing stage fright - proven by the fact I came within 20 seconds after deciding to scrap the whole voice note thing. It prevented me from relaxing, and in turn, coming. I did at first, but then it started to feel odd. But very quickly, the feeling of being observed rather than being experienced kicked in. I felt like virtual sex finally gave me the opportunity to shine and perform for a partner. I started off feeling like Kat Hernandez from Euphoria, in an OnlyFans state of mind. This is where the performance element of virtual sex kicks in, and why it has the potential to be problematic. Speaking from my recent experience, backfire can mean trying to spontaneously drop someone a voice note of you solo-seshing yourself to orgasm, and not being able to cum because you're too preoccupied with how long the voice note has been recording, if it will be too boring for them, and if you’re making 'enough' noise. While this can be positive and gently push you towards trying something fun and new, it can also backfire. When being physically touched by the other person is suddenly off the table, you become hyperaware of all the other ways we sexually consume each other. for some of us they’re all we have to work with. What were once the tools we used mainly to build up to real life, in-person sex are now serving as the only way some of us are sexually connecting at all.ĭropping your sex partner a nude in the middle of the work day, or engaging in post-dinner phone sex suddenly aren’t the cheap thrills they used to be. Dating apps, sliding into the DMs, sexting, Skype and WhatsApp were all helping us to facilitate casual hook ups, relationship sex and sexually charged flirting. Whether you think of yourself as a virtual sex pro or not, the truth is we were already using tech in our every day sex lives pre-lockdown without even realising it.
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